I'm not really a fan of alcohol, but it seemed obligatory for this very special occasion.
I learned a lot from this particular foray into the adult world.
I wonder, are staff get-togethers always so embarrassing? Is it just me? It doesn't help that I work at a bar, in a constantly raucous environment, sure. But is there always so much chaos involved? There's always alcohol, dammit, harder things too. I just don't understand why all of my shit blew up in my face, all at once, and so publicly.
I'd like to just take some notes here, as a reminder to myself more than anything, for future reference during the holiday season. It's not like I've made this blog public knowledge in any way. Kate doesn't count, we live together in the world's tiniest ikea showcase.
1. Whiskey. So, you've found that the brown liquids treat you best. I don't care how uncomfortable you feel, remember your height and weight, and how often you drink. Cut that number in HALF next time.
2. Really? You're REALLY going to do that in the green room, NOW, after you've had that much to drink? You're an idiot.
3. Don't bum cigarettes from polyamorists. 72's suck anyway, hold out.
4. Don't smoke aforementioned cigarette alone in the rain, when aforementioned polyamorist is equally if not more wasted than you are. You feel terrible having to say no, that's why you always pretend to be so much more naive and oblivious than you really are. You know that drunken, one-on-one cigarette conversations with oversexed males are always a terrible idea. YOU KNOW THESE THINGS.
5. Don't make any grand gestures, or relay any huge confessions in this situation, in order to distract from whatever's going down. You will always regret it.
6. If you're trying to avoid someone you love and obviously can't have, because maybe you're just terrified by what you might say at this point, TRY to act natural. If you're going to avoid that person, you have to avoid everyone just a little bit. He will notice when you're having conversations with everyone but him, and avoiding eye contact.
He's the smartest person in this room, isn't that why you want him in the first place?
7. You are a MASOCHIST, and binge drinking is a sort of corporal punishment. Why are you so crazy? Get over it.
8. Confrontation is scary, yes. It can also be sexy. It's not in this case, be scared. You being this drunk is not sexy, remember that.
9. One word answers are great, especially in your current state of mind. Dishonesty is too exhausting at this point, don't even try. Running away is cowardly, but certainly not the worst thing you COULD be doing right now. You could be crying, it's a good thing you save tears for dead people. (**When he doesn't stop you from running away, or call within the next 24 hours, you have your answer. Proceed accordingly.)
10. Don't start dancing as a means of distracting yourself. You know you can't dance. You're only making things worse. Don't start, it's really hard to stop.
Here's a picture of my daddy at HIS annual Christmas party!
And yes, that's a penis statue.
Making light of my own emotional turmoil is a terrible crutch of mine, but it's less expensive than smoking cigarettes, so shut up. I'd like to quit soon, I don't want to die of lung cancer, so this will have to do.
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