people don't know how to behave

I'm against disciplining children and animals physically.

I think that people who hit their children, or pets, and think it's somehow beneficial to that child or animal in the long run, are basically reprehensible. Maybe it's wrong to say that, obviously it's a huge personal misconception on their part, because of however they may have been treated. I wouldn't call that person evil, but certainly stupid. Losing your temper is one thing. But in practice? Jesus Christ.

(For the record, not to attract pity, but to accredit myself a little more on this subject--my mother liked to use a wooden spoon, so as not to break her nails.)

As for adults, seemingly capable ones, who walk into the cafe where I work and act like completely socially incompetent pieces of shit, they should be smacked.

It should be perfectly okay for me to keep a rolled up newspaper behind the counter, and rap these people over the head. I'm providing you a service. These french fries do not wash, peel, cut, dry, pre-fry, re-fry, toss and season themselves. How dare you.

If you snap at me, I will treat you like a five year old. This theoretical five year old wouldn't know any better, and can't really be held responsible.
You are middle aged.

I'm a little messed up right now. Can I say that on the internet? I definitely shouldn't. I won't go into the details of the extent to which I am fucked up.

I found these flowers in front of Key Food, they weren't roses, they were weirder. Those are my favorite flowers in the whole world. I didn't have enough money to buy them, and I tried to figure out the name from whoever was selling them, but he didn't speak English. Dammit, I'm never going to find those flowers again.

Anyway, tourists.
Do you really think I'm charmed by your accent? I love French and Italian men, they always come in with a swagger because I, as a 20 year old American female will undoubtedly be dazzled by your European dress and manner of speaking. Absolutely not. I watch foreign films, I know what that's about, and sorry, black leather will only get you so far. I don't have any kind of inferiority complex about being American. You aren't cool because it's two dollars to the pound, and you just discovered Century 21.

I hate today's Brits.

Did that rant sound patriotic? If it did, that's unfortunate, disregard that notion. I won't explain myself because it will take too long.

I never imagined myself in a job that actually requires me to ask "Would you like fries with that?"
"That" being a mass-produced, pre-packaged panini, or turkey burger named after some very obvious poet.
I sound like a snob, but no one should have to ask that question, something something about Americans being too fat and SuperSize Me, Fast Food Nation, yada yada yada.
There's a good spin on it.
This is not McDonald's. It's not Starbucks. It's not even Think Coffee, all you NYU campus cash enthusiasts. This is a "poetry club", a music venue, a lower east side dive bar really, that happens to have frozen mozzarella sticks in bulk. I throw things on a George Foreman grill or into a domestic deep-fryer, put it on a plate, and I'm not being paid enough to do even that. Do you think I have money, or something? Do you think I'm some kind of volunteer worker for starving artists, city college students, and downtown eccentrics in need, just for fun?
I just made you a smoothie, a breakfast sandwich, an organic personal PIZZA, a plate of jalapeno poppers, an ice cream sundae, and whatever mochalattechino bullshit you just ordered. Now I'm going to walk through a crowd of drunks so that you can enjoy your meal while listening to this god awful excuse for hip hop.
Will 3 starbucks baristas do that for you in under 20 minutes?
Right, because it's not physically possible, especially not in a space this tiny, dark, and loud. Consider tipping me.

I guess I really hate my job. It's worth it every once in a while, for reasons I'll continue to be vague and cryptic about.